90/10 principle

Recently i came across one forward which was too good worth sharing. It is about the 90/10 principle. The 90/10 principle states that 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. And it is our reaction which determines our subsequent attitudes and states in our life.



Let me explain with an example.

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your brother knocks over a cup of coffee onto your shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react.

You curse.

You harshly scold your brother for knocking the cup over. He breaks down in tears. After scolding him, you turn to your mother and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your brother has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. He misses the bus.
Your mother must leave immediately for work. You rush to the bike and drive your brother to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.

After a 15-minute delay and throwing $6{Rs.300} traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your brother runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the workplace 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home.

When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your mother and brother.

Why? …. Because of how you reacted in the morning.

Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your brother cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is “D".

You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you. Your brother is about to cry. You gently say, "Its ok man, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your brother getting on the bus. He turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.

Why?

Because of how you REACTED.

You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% will be determined by your reaction.

Most of us tend to react to situations like spontaneously reacting to any external stimuli without thinking the consequence of our action. In such cases,what might save the day for us is to respond to situations. Actually both the words "Respond" and "React" sound the same but in reality they are in complete contrast. When we react to situations we are acting without really thinking. We are not being authentic. While when we respond,we are actually sizing things up and acting in such a way so that we are authentic in our actions and as well consciously aware of it. Coming back to our post, no one knows how and when things will happen. But when it happens,we can definitely choose how to respond to it which will later take its own course as desired by us.

P.S: I have stated this in ma own words and the essence of this post has been taken from the forward. The 90/10 principle has been advocated by Motivational speaker and Time management guru,Stephen Covey.

Journey through Puppy Eyes

photo courtesy : Sudhan..

pictures of cute puppies in ma college sports complex...this post is dedicated to those little puppies..what if these puppies  are allowed to talk after they grow old??.. here it goes :) ! 

 

Life is sometimes, so very bare
It manages to touch the depths of sorrow
My time is up; no one seems to care
Is there no more I can borrow?

When I was young, you loved me too
Your weakness was I; your darling new,
You bonded with me, and I, with you
Best of my life; those days so few….

And when I saw, as I grew old
Your love for me grew lesser and cold
It finally struck me at my heart
That you had plans to end my start

I howled, “Why do you want to kill me?
Was I not loyal enough?”
Your resolve at best has chilled me…
How have you grown so tough?

I guarded your life Night and day.
I kept the prowlers forever at bay
I loved you more than myself, I can say
And yet you abandon me in such a way?

And now I lie, in this mangy cage
My Heart is broken and my mind is enraged
You left me here with people deranged
To face the death, that you have arranged…

And now, they come to seal my fate
They bring me meat which killed my mates
They have thrown it down, into my cage
They look at me; My death awaits…

Death Awaits

Your habit was for fun, so cool it seemed.
All your friends did it, so hip was it deemed!
You found yourself at the top of the world
  Only when it was between your lips, so curled!

You loved the smoke, envied the spirals,
You paid no heed to the upcoming virals,
Your eyes so glazed, with a mirage of pleasure.
too blind to see your bleeding loss of treasure!
Your good times were soon getting fewer and fewer
Your got dark circles; Your food tasted like sewer,
Your life was controlled by the devil of smoke
your lungs were now screaming, coughing from the choke

Your "Pack-a-day" turned to "Packets-per-hour",
Your filter-paper rolls, now had all your power,
Your life now consisted of only butt ends
Your body, an ashtray; Nothing left to mend

Now you look at me, morose on your deathbed
you flinch at my hard words, at every word I just said,
They say you wont live to see another morning,
Too bad, you missed out on the "STATUTORY WARNING"! 
 

QUIT SMOKING
There are Better Ways To Kill Yourself!!

[p.s] jus ma thought after anti smoking campaign @ SSN...

Dont give up ! ! you can do it ! ! !

If you think, you can
For there is a day after every night
If hopes are intact then
The chances of goal attainment are all bright

If you think, you can
You can break mountains into stones
It’s in your hands
Do not leave your hopes

If you think, you can
You can overcome your sorrow
And your tears can turn into smiles
You can regain your lost glories tomorrow

If you think, you can
You can carve a stone into a statue
A pain filled soul will work hard
Patience and dedication is a prized value.
But only if you think you can,

If you think you can
then you will,
For “I can’t” is meant for weak,
You are strong, so don’t give up the thrill!

I CANNOT LET MYSELF DIE.

I cannot let myself die,
Only because you don’t like me.
You are replacable.

I cannot let myself die,
Only because you hurt me.
You can be tamed.

I cannot let myself die,
Only because I pledged to be with you.
Promises can be broken.

I cannot let myself die,
Only because you forsake me.
My world never ended with you.

I cannot let myself die,
Only because we can never be together.
Many people consider me their life.

FALLING LEAVES

I was thinking of old friends today
And how many of them have slipped away,
Moved, got occupied, or stopped calling so much,
Found new friends, got busy, and lost touch.

It reminded me of falling leaves.

Every autumn the leaves fall from the trees
Some stay longer than the others,
But eventually – each leaf must fall, I am told,
Leaving the tree alone to face the cold

Why is it that in the time of utmost need
The leaves would seek to leave the tree?
And when we need our friends around
We look and they cannot be found?

Of course these friendships come and go

And in the spring new leaves will grow.
But I prefer autumn friends of old
With crackling laughter and color bold.

It saddens me now I must admit
How somehow, someway,
I forgot laughing with old friends of mine
During summers when the sun would shine

And then I thought of you
That one stubborn leaf that won’t let go
That clings despite the winds that blow

Fighting ice, and snow, and winter’s stings
Hanging on right through till spring
So I guess that’s what you are to me now –

The very last leaf to leave the tree.

I know it seems silly, but it’s true.

When I see that last leaf….

I think of you…

ILLUSIONS OF REALITY...

The more you point out my mistakes,
The more you are drawn towards me.

The more you try to hurt me,
The more you bleed in your heart.

The more you run away from me,
The more my memories haunt you.

The more you want to forget me,
The more you are reminded of my presence.

The more you want to chase me away,
The closer I come to you.

The more you hate me,
The more you end up loving me.

The more you call me an “illusion”
The more I dawn as the reality of your life….

CONFESSION OF A WOMAN...

 When I'm born,I'm jeered at.When I'm a child,I'm made to believe that my reason for existence is somebody else.While I'm growing up,I'm discouraged to question.My brain and heart are numbed.I cannot die too,since it will bring infamity to my family.People would say,"At this age,what could have forced her to terminate herself ? She failed to materialize her fantasy.Such bad morals." I fast for the well-being of my father and brothers.When I outgrow my frocks,I'm let off to another household.There, I work for others, without pay.I have children but they treat me like a door-mat.Here too,I fast for my husband's and childrens' long,peaceful life.When the man of the house,who happens to be my "husband" dies,I shed a part of my soul.I have no right to live then,I just breathe and sit in a corner.Rest of my life is spent in praying-for death.They say, "Woman needs a man.In childhood,its father.In youth,its husband and in old age,its son."All my life,I don't live for myself.I live to make others happy."Live" is a misnomer,I exist.I exist for others.

I try to kill my daughter in my womb.Only because I don't want her to live a life like me.When I finally beget a son,I command my husband's attention and then,slowly influence him to such a degree that he is henpecked for life.I drive out his parents out of "my home".I raise my children in a relatively more liberal environment.When my teenaged son takes to smoking,I don't admonish him.I just tell him to stop it,I say it half-heartedly.I secretly desire to show the society,"See he's my son.My mother-in-law prayed to God for 6 long years for a heir,only then he was born.Such a nasty son!"The mother in me cries her heart out,but the woman in me smiles.Eventually,my son marries a girl.I nag her for hours on end.Only because I think,if I was ill-treated, so must be she.In the process,I train my daughter(sex-determination tests are'nt always reliable) to be a devil(just like me,now). I become a clone of my mother-in-law.Later in life,my husband dies.I'm secretly happy because he never understood me.He needed someone to look after himself and his household,so he had married me.My position was worse than a maid,I didn't get wages!!Still,I cry a lot,all my clothes,jewellery are removed.A coarse,white sari is my constant companion.My greying hair is shorn off.I turn a veggie(Widows are not allowed to eat non-veg food).My life ends in some old-age home.My son performs my last rites .And yes,if I die while my husband is alive,then I'm called "lucky".A mini-band plays on my way to the burial grounds.It symbolizes that I've kept my word,there is a belief that a bride comes to her husband's house  and must leave it on her journey to burial grounds.I'm not even allowed to die on my own !I bear a burden of sins which I never meant to do,I learnt it all from life.A bud is nipped and a diabolic tree is nurtured in me.I think I'm born to die.

It happens in India,but in other parts of the world,there are different traditions that bind a woman in chains of "a living hell".You may ask why women are hateful and have hosts of other "villainous" traits.My answer is -As you sow,so shall you reap.When someone is hated,ill-treated and crumpled,she tends to give the same and the cycle goes on.

When and how can it stop?Is it a woman's fault?Or man's?Or of nature?

I CAN'T HELP LOVING YOU...

I can’t help loving you,
Your harsh tone doesn’t deter me.
May be I’m not quite like the one you dreamt of,
But nevertheless,I can’t help loving you.

Sometimes you shower me with
all affection and care,
And sometimes its pure seething anger I receive.
With reason of course. 

The look in your eyes speaks of
immeasurable,fathomless love
That you want to bestow on me
Throughout my life and after.

I dared to dream because you
Reposed your faith in me.
You made me feel special.
Not only did you give me birth
But also a life.
Its all your doing Mom,
Its your life that I’m living today.

THIS WILL MAKE U SMILE :) :) :)

 

cheers :)

have a great weekend :) :)

Live to Express and not Impress !!

Literatively speaking, the difference between 'Express' and 'Impress' is the first 2 letters. But its impact in our life is much beyond our imagination. Its a sad thing to note that most of us are tuned to focus on Impressing rather than Expressing. We have come to believe sub-consciously that outward appearances counts much more coz,the appearance is the first thing we see when we look at someone. So we move around in Best dresses, and fake big smiles(not always), hoping to make a good Impression, leaving our inner selves to isolation. So how does this Express and Impress come to matter..

I am not wise enough to give opinions on what is what, but this is ma understanding of Express and Impress. When we say we are expressing, whatever we are doing, we are doing by being our self. In contrast, When we want to Impress someone, our focus is more on imitating something/someone in order to influence others. In the process, we lose of what we are. Bruce Lee had said once about people imitating the big stars, that when we imitate someone, what we are doing is to imitate the outward appearance forgetting that there is a basis to that person's greatness and we cant achieve that greatness by imitating.

One of the things which the great scholars have said is that the interesting relation between Expressing and Imitating is that as one starts expressing himself , he/she will advertently end up impressing others. As Jim Rohn says,

“It's easy to let life deteriorate into making a living instead of making a life. It's not the hours you put in, but what you out into the hours that count. Learn to express rather than impress. Expressing evokes a ''me too'' attitude while impressing evokes a ''so what'' attitude.”


To be frank, I am myself in the process of discovering how to express myself truly. Yet i hope that as one starts Expressing one self, the adage "The First impression is the Best Impression" will in turn lead to another on these lines.- "Your True Expression will be the Best Impression".

Marriage ...the legal stamp...huh!!

This is going to be a very sensitive topic and I know that many of ma readers won't agree to it at all... Marriages are made in heaven....see I am not going to talk about the heavenly things now. Hmmm we always have heard about rapes..as forced intercourse with a woman..but we never think that married woman too are forced to have sex.... Is this not also a kind of rape... Many women are forced to have sex. Those who force their wives into sex ..don't they have to be called animals.. or marriage gives legalization to every such husband.... Just because someone is your wife can you treat her like a thing ...a sex doll...is it the only purpose for which people marry... is there no emotional and mental interaction... Have ur say... I am ready to take up any good constructive argument...

Power of Choices

In the last post,i had written about Power of Choices and difference the choices would make in one's  life .Here is a story to explain the Power of Choices and the difference it could make in a person's life.

To start with, what are Choices in our life. Choices are the our decisions which determine what we do with the situations which we encounter in our daily life. Simply put, the power of choice is the ability to take actions and responsibility for those actions. Its our decision of how we decide to respond to some situations. In one of the Personal development programs which i had attended, i liked one particular learning. 

The difference between Action and reaction. When something happens with us, do we tend to act or react. There is a lot of difference between the two. Act is something which you do when you are in control. Reaction is something which happens when you are not in control and you do something just because you feel you have to do something. The way we decide to respond to life will determine how far we get. 

Now about the story which i had said. There was once a drunkard who had 2 sons. He always used to come back home, abuse his children and wife. Years passed by. One son went on to become a crook and a petty pedlar. He too was a drunkard. He blamed his father for his current predicament and continued to be so. The other son went on to become a famous tycoon who was all over the newspapers about his achievements. he was asked the secret of his success.He said "his father" was responsible for his current situation. When they found that the tycoon's father was a drunkard and he always used to come home and beat his children and wife, they were surprised and asked him why he thought so. 

The tycoon replied "My father was a drunkard. I learnt from my father what all things one shouldnt do. I decided that i would be a good father and that i would live to the best of my potential". In a way his actions have inspired me to live to my best capability and become what i have become now....

I had always found inspiration from this story. Both the sons had the choice to do what they want. One choose to focus on what his father did to him and accordingly he too wasted his life. The other choose to take responsible of his life and lived his life accordingly. Hence, the choice you make will reflect the way you become.

Learnings from Rahman's OSCAR speech

After reading the above line, if you are tempted to think that I am going to write about some sermon, Iam sorry to disappoint you. The above words were spoken by Mr.Rahman in his acceptance speech while receiving the OSCAR for the much acclaimed movie "SlumDog Millionaire". Other than the fact that the awards has been a great great source of pride and happiness to over a billion Indians,it is also a testimony to Mr.Rahman's talent and humbleness. I can go on listing Rahman's musical wizardry skills, yet since many of my fellowmen have done that, i would like to share 3 things which stood out in his acceptance speech in the OSCARS award ceremony.

Firstly: His words "Mere paas ma hai meaning My mother is here, I have her blessings", is something which definitely would have made his mother very proud. I would like to point out to the extent his mother had an affect on him, the fact that Parents play a very important role in the up bringing of their child. Its a known fact that parents care for their kids. But the caring has to be such that it emphasises more on values and character rather than fulfilling the child fanciful wishes...

Parents who inculcate values and character in their kids ensure that the child grows up to a responsible and a good human being. Contrast it with the sad fact in today's world where parents are too busy with their life's to give enough time to their kids. Some assume that giving a lot of money to satisfy the child wish will keep him happy. This couldnt be farther from truth. The child needs good quality time with his/her parents so as to become a good human being. Not that, exceptions doesnt exist. Yet in the majority, the more the parents care and spend time for/with their children, the child is moulded to a greater precision, and Rahman's words bear testimony to the fact.

Secondly, his words "Ella Pughazhum Eraivanukke, which means "All my success and achievements are dedicated to God, God is great." This not only points out the humble nature of Rahman but also the fact that no matter how high one goes, one must keep in mind that their feet are firmly set in the ground. With lots of publicity, its easy to get into the feeling of incredibleness and to lose one's head. Yet, the people who keep on making/creating new records are the one who never forgot that their achievements is a amalgamation of many people's effort and are always grateful for it. Hats off to the humble nature of Rahman.

Thirdly, his words ""All my life I had two choices - between love and hate and I chose love," reflects the power of choices in one's life. I have an interesting story to relate about how the choices we make determine our destiny. I will share it in my upcoming post. Coming back to Rahman's word, i have no idea about what Rahman choices he had and what he choosed, maybe we have to wait for Rahman to come up with his auto-biography... Yet one thing i have learnt from his above lines was this.

Initially i had a thought that giving OSCAR to Rahman for his music composition for SlumDog Millionaire is like mocking his previous compositions. Any ardent fan of Mr.Rahman will bear testimony to the fact that there are numerous composition of Rahman which are far better than his recent one. Yet we get an OSCAR for this one because this one has been produced and directed by a foreign entity. Our previous nominations "Lagaan","Taare Zameen Par" which should have fetched an OSCAR could have been over looked !! In one way, I was holding a negative perception of the whole incident. As in i have a choice to look at Rahman's OSCAR nomination with pride and i also have an option to criticise the delayed OSCAR award.

But as Rahman had said "Choice between love and hate, and choosing love has brought him where he stood", the same goes with our life. No matter how the circumstances are, choosing love not only spreads harmony but also inspires an individual to go for his highest potential. Its like when you embrace the world,the world embraces you. There is a lot more to the above words than what appears. So my Hats off to Mr.Rahman for making me look at the things at the right perspective.

Finally, my sincere and heartfelt congratulations to Mr.Resul Pookutty for making India proud. Hopefully, this marks a beginning of a new age where Indian cinematic talent will be recognized all over the world.

God Bless all.

A Child's Tender Life - Make it, Dont Break it !!

I was surfing through some blogs when i came across a blog where in a girl had shared her grief of losing her friend who had committed suicide.,. And why did her friend suicide.,. She suicided because of a failed relationship.... Just because the relationship didnt work out, or because they had to break up,the girl took the liberty of taking her own life, leaving everyone who were there for her in tears.,. Recently there has been a spate of news saying someone committed suicide because of a bad performance in academics, or because of an uncertain future or because of a failed relationship.. I dont want to rant my feelings on how bad the family of the deceased would feel, nor why such a senseless decision to take their life was taken. I want to muse over the reason's why such cases of suicide continues to happen and how to create an awareness and as well as share/get some insights from wise people like you on how these things could be prevented....

                           DEPRESSION DEPRESSES 

I agree that Depression is the number one reason to commit suicide.,. As one of my friend said its due to a huge expectation on someone/something, our attachment to it and to find that we have been cheated or that our expectations wont be met, which prompts people to take the extreme step. I understand how depressed one will be, and its quite natural to be depressed, yet it doesnt guarantee taking the extreme step. I feel one of the reason's for such things happenings is the lack of moral support for the person concerned.. I know it sounds vague, yet take any instance.

                     

                          

The Family members expect the child to perform exceedingly well, to be first and want him/her to be the best. In that case, naturally the child gets bog down by other's expectations. What they need at such stage , is the belief that no matter what happens, the Family is always for them,that there are people who will understand them, empathize with them[not judge them]. I know every family member is always present for each other, yet can i know how many people voice it to their children their love and their belief in them. As far as i know there are some families where the parents are so obsessed and busy with their work, that they don't have any time to see their children, forget talking with them. Its such a pity that some elders think that Money will take care of all the concerns of a child and a posh home, and a good status of living is all that Children need.,.They couldnt have a much wronger notion.

Also pressure on children to perform well in academics has been taken to extreme levels.,. I heard of a case where in a daughter after doing her Board exams felt that she wont be able to match her family expectation. She took the extreme step and when the results came she had stood first in her school. In other cases,where in children who are talented in some other fields, and who are not able to perform exceedingly well in acads, are fed with the notion that if you are not good at Acads, you are not fit for nothing. The amount to which it affects a child's confidence cant be fathomed.,.

Yes, the teaching style of institutions and the belief system shares an equal blame for such things. Yet more than that, it must start with each family. Every parents should tell their kids that its they who matters a lot more than their report sheet. I understand that all parents have their own expectations of their child and its for the child well-being. Yet the child can do wonders if you make him belief that he has the capacity to succeed and give him constant support and encouragement. A real life example of this is none other than the Brainiest person to have lived in the earth -Albert Einstein. I dont know how many of you know that Einstein was a schizophrenic child and his maths teacher had asked him to leave school as she thought that he was not fit to study maths. Yet Albert's Mother believed in her son, and coached him, teaching him herself, and Albert's action speaks for himself,and for his Mom's belief.,.

                                CHILD EINSTEIN 

Second main reason,which i feel people resort to extreme steps is the fear of rejection of society.,. If you have been living under a flashy image and suddenly you feel that you are not able to live up to your image, the fear that people will shun you prompts people to do that. Again in this, its the "Expectation" which comes in.,. Also, its because people tend to forget that it is their image which in turn builds an image rather than their image building themselves. An instance which i can remember now, is about the Icon Steve Jobs,when he was thrown out from his own company, he found everything around him meaningless and he felt that living now is waste. Yet he got over that disappointment , by his belief in his abilities, and he was back again with a bigger bang !!

Same was the case of Lee Iacoca who was fired from the position of CEO by Henry Ford from Ford Motors, which left him in a poor shade in media. Yet he came back stronger by turning the fortunes of Chrysler. The history is full of stories of people who have failed,who have lost, yet they lived to tell their tales and create a legacy. The same legacy can be created by anyone who beliefs in himself. Hence i stress the point again that how the childrens are guided and mentored has an much wider impact on them later on.

                      PARENTAL LOVE AND CARE

I started this article with the intention of making people know about how their support and care can make a person belief in himself.,. I dont know if iam successful in my attempt,but i believe that proper Parental care and Love will ensure that the Child/individual copes up with any obstacles or disappointments and would in turn be a source of support and hope to others !! What i would like from those who read this article is, please spread the awareness of proper nurturing of children to everyone you know and also inculcate this in your lives too. :)
This will ensure that the future will be in the hands of Confident, Inspired Leaders , as Today's Children are Tomorrow's Citizens.

God Bless Everyone.. cheers :)

A Lover and a Wife !!!

I had read this one sometime back... Hope its enjoyable...

Once a young man had a confusion about Lover and Wife. How does one decide if a girl is suited for him to be a wife.. He had heard about a wise sage who had come to his village. So he decided to go to him and place his query. When he told the sage his query, the sage told him to go to the nearest wheat field, and get the biggest wheat grain he can get from the field in half an hour. 

The man went to the field started his search for the biggest wheat grain. He found one but as soon as he went some more distance,he saw another grain which looked more bigger than the one he had. He discarded the one he had taken and then took the other grain. He went ahead and found another big one.. He took the big one and continued his search. After sometime, he got a doubt, if the grain he had in his hand was the biggest or the one he had got the first was the biggest.

This went on for sometime , and the alloted 30 minute time got over. He went back to the sage and gave the grain which he had.. The sage asked him, "Is this the biggest grain which was present in the field". The man was quite sure that he might have thrown away the biggest grain. So he replied "No , Wise sage, i might have missed the biggest grain". 

The Sage told him not to worry, and this time told him to go and collect the biggest grain with the same half an hour duration. This time the man went to the field, looked for some time , saw a grain which looked the biggest and then came back to the sage. The sage asked him. "If the grain he had was the biggest". The man replied he was sure that this was the biggest grain". 

The sage said to him "You have got the answer to your question. You look at a girl and feel that she looks great. You become her lover... Then you find another girl who you feel is more suited for you and then you go for her... In case of wife, you find a girl who you think is the best girl available and live with the assumption that she is best for you too...".